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Dear Friends,
The bride of Christ is longing for her Bridegroom and we, as His Church, are crying out for more of Him. Are you one whose soul is dissatisfied
with a mundane relationship with the Bridegroom of heaven? Are you hungry to experience more of your Beloved? Then put yourself in the place of the seeker in this vision and may you experience a deeper longing for Him that
will carry you through to satisfy your hunger.
God is moving on His bride to cause an unrest in our hearts so that we may long for more of Him. Why? Because He has so much more of Himself to give us, but first we
must leave the comfort of what we have known and venture out into the unknown, trusting Him to lead us. Then we will know Him like we have never known Him and truly become one with our Beloved.
There is, indeed, a
cry of hunger in the heart of the Church…
Lord, hear our cry. We want more of You. We need more of You. Come Lord Jesus, and draw us into You.
The Journey of a Seeking Heart
Victoria Boyson
www.boyson.org
The King has come to my dwelling place and is beckoning me to come to Him, but it is late and I am tired; I am comfortable in this place. Yet, I feel an expectancy that has sprung up in my heart...I must see Him...I must see my King! Yes, I will get up from this comfortable place and let Him in; I will give my all to Him. I want to see His face and have Him come into my dwelling. My excitement builds! I think of a thousand things I want to share with Him. I am anxious for His touch, to feel His strength and be comforted by it.
I fumble through my wardrobe to find a covering that is suitable for my King. "Wait, my Lord, one moment for me to fix my hair. I want to be just right for you!" I finger through my jewels to adorn myself with just the right beads; yes, the ones that match my eyes. Now I am ready to greet my King---I have made myself ready for Him! I am ready to let Him come into my dwelling place. He will come in to me and I will dine with Him. How happy we will be!
I rush to the door, barely able to grasp the handle, for the excitement has mounted feverishly in my heart. I open the door quickly---my eyes hasten to meet His. But my heart sinks---He is not there! I look anxiously for Him.
Where did He go? My excitement quickly turns to anxiety, and my desire to see Him to a panic. I must find Him. Though I am not dressed to go out, I do not care about the night-time chill. I rush out into the evening to find the One my soul longs for.
I was comfortable in my bed and did not want to rise from my slumber, yet I did, and now my excitement to meet Him has turned to empty longing. Where has He gone? I must find Him. I thought He wanted me---I thought He loved me. Why did He leave---what did I do to drive Him away? Was I not good enough for Him? Was I repulsive to Him? My anxiety builds as I rush out into the danger of the night.
I ask the watchmen of the night, "Where is He? Where is the One my soul longs for?" I am panicked, I am desperate, but they cannot help me. I must find Him myself. I run through the cold, dark night. Tears begin to stream down my face. My longing builds with every step.
Where is the One who loves me? Where is the One who wants me? Why did He leave me? How could He be so cruel? I cry with the thought of His cruelty to me. How? Why? I must find Him. There must be a reason; I know He loves me.
I trust Him. I had planned for Him to dwell with me, but now I am seeking Him in utter desperation. Where did He go? Does He feel my anxious heart? Does He see my suffering?
Though I suffer, I cannot return. What is there for me in that comfortable place where He first came to me? If He is not there, it would be as Hell to me. But if He were in Hell, I would go there to find Him. I cry now---deep, bitter tears of loss.
Others see my pain...they feel for me, but I disdain their pity. They are resting comfortably in their homes---how can they know my painful longing? But I cannot be comfortable without Him. I feel a singleness of mind rising in my soul. I must find Him though He were to dwell in Hell itself!
A thought springs to mind...He has gone to His chamber---He has returned to His dwelling place. How could He leave me when I need Him so much? How could He rest? How could He be so cruel? But it is useless to question His goodness now---I must trust---I must journey on to find Him. I do not know what it will be like when I find Him, but I know I must go now!
I find my way in the night to His dwelling, but it is guarded by sixty valiant men. I am terrified. They will cut me to pieces with their swords of truth. "Lord," I cry, "Come get me! Take me past these men!" But He does not come to me.
I am standing now stone-cold still in the night. Do I run away and hide, or charge ahead into the fearful unknown? What choice is there to make? My Lord is in there---I must have Him---I would fight through Hell to be in His embrace. I must go, I must. Though they kill me, I must go. I would rather be dead than to alive be without Him.
I walk toward the men guarding my Lord. I am anxious, but my desperation has made me resolute and fearless. I encounter the first of the sixty. I feel as if his blows will kill me, but still I rise to my feet and ready myself for yet another blow. One by one, with painful blows they try to destroy me...to keep me from my beloved. But they will not stop me, I must have Him.
Endlessly, I endure their attacks. They slash at my face---my hands and arms are bloody from fending off their blows. I am drenched in blood.
Suddenly, they stop for a moment and look at me. I turn my face to meet them in defiant resolve---I look directly into their eyes. For a moment I see fear in their eyes, and they see the fire of God in mine. They see me now for Whose I am and lower their swords.
They thought they were defending Him, but now they see...I am what He wants. I am the one He was expecting. They bow their heads and make way for me to pass.
But how can I go into my King now, bloodied, battered and bruised? My Lord's guards have made me unsuitable for Him. How could He want me now? My bracelets are gone, my gown is torn and drenched in blood, and the aroma of my perfume is swallowed up by the smell of sweat. But I cannot let anything keep me from Him, I must go.
I open the door to my King's chamber. Though bloody and raw, I enter in. His eyes are raised to meet mine---He is not surprised by my entrance---He has been waiting for me.
I lower my gaze because I feel ashamed of my appearance, but He beckons me to come to Him. "I am unacceptable," I cry. But He says, "Come!" I cannot wait any longer. I run to Him with my arms outstretched. I embrace Him and my heart leaps inside my chest, for I have found the One my soul longs for.
In His embrace I find that I am not bloody, but radiant. The fire of passion in my eyes has become a gown of splendor that adorns me, and my sweat a costly fragrance. My fight has not made me unacceptable, but it has made me ready for my King. I have been made beautiful by my struggle---my gown of blood reflects His image. Though I am battered and raw, others see only His reflection shining on me. I am truly clothed in Him!
How could I have been so arrogant to think I could keep Him with me in my dwelling. He wanted me here with Him. He wanted me clothed in His likeness, not in clothes of my own making. He has dressed me in Himself, and I dwell with Him in a palace of great splendor.
Was my Lord cruel to me? Oh, Jesus, no! Now I understand, now I see. You are all, and I am in ALL. How blessed I am to have You. More than any other, I am blessed, I am favored, I am loved.
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NEW Book by Victoria Boyson